and now for something completely different...

I have decided to go back to school. When I tell people this, their first response is always, "already?". I say yes... and then they say "oh the job hunt's not going very well then, huh?"... and I say no....
Then they ask what I want to do... and then I tell them... and then... they laugh....
....
Breathe in, breathe out... breathe in, breathe out....
I am going back to pursue a second Bachelor's degree in Biology so I can go to grad school to become a Marine Biologist...

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Now, to understand why people laugh at such a commendable career choice... one must also know that it is a fairly well known fact that I have been working to over come a very severe phobia... of .... fish....
....

Over the last 7 years I have slowly begun to over come this totally irrational fear. It's not important to know when or how or why I am so frightened by them. The truth is, I don't know. What is important is that I am taking steps to get over it.
When I was 18 and living in the dorms... I bought a blue Beta fish and named him Zeebo. The first day I had him I watched him for hours on end.... not out of fascination... but out of anxiety. I called my mother several times that day... the conversation always went something like this...
"Hello!"
"Hi mom..."
"What's wrong?"
"He's looking at me"
"Ok"
"He's looking at me... watching me move across the room... I think he wants to eat me!"
"I don't think so"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Ok.... bye..."
...

Now, I would like to note that I have come a very long way since then. My fear used to be so bad that, when I was in high school, I couldn't eat in Chinese resturants because they always have fish tanks in them. Zeebo, once I decided that he was far too small to want to eat me, opened the door to recovery. He was a very special fish and lived with me for several years before old age got to him. He used to wave one fin faster than the other whenever someone new walked into the room, waving at the passers by. When he died, I bought Shinji, another beta, this time bright red with long flowing fins... more beautiful perhaps, than Zeebo, but not nearly as friendly. Shinji was skiddish and hid in the sunken pirate ship in his tank most of the time. I don't remember when or how he died. I think I might have actually given him to an old room mate.
...
Since Zeebo and Shinji, I have had other fish in my life and before long, I started going to Aquariums and aquatic exhibits at the state fair. I stare, until my eyes feel like they are going to bleed, endlessly fascinated, at the giant fresh water fish tanks in Cabella's as my boyfriend shops for fishing or camping gear. I watch nature documentaries on the darkest, most remote and terrifying depths of the ocean. I want to go to Sea World!
I have discovered that the more I learn about these creatures, the less afraid I am. I am exhilarated by them! The thought of studying whales and great white sharks, tiny, but deadly, irakanji jellyfish, and thousands of other marine species, gets my heart pumping so fast that I can barely contain my excitement.
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So, as bizarre as it may sound, this is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I never said it out loud. Not even to myself. I never thought I could actually do it. But now, looking ahead at my life, working in an office trying to suppliment my writing career with mundane data entry and coffee breaks, makes me want to curl up and die. I realized that if I am going to be happy and stop living my life in fear, I need to take risks. I need to follow my passions, no matter how strange they seem. I need to swim with sharks. This is my life aquatic. I need to be the next Steve Zeesou!