It's The Muppet's....

....Need I say more?



and another one...

48 hour film project...

This is a film I wrote for the 48 hr film project in Dallas. I was on the HD Access team... they did a great job. Thanks to the cast and crew for all their hard work bringing this story to life, especially to Rhiannon.... and the toad....

The Best JibJab Yet

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Bunnies!

And Penguins!

Close down the Internets, it's all over.

As some of you know I go through Craigslist missed connections sometimes for laughs. After this post, I can no longer do so, because this is like looking unto the face of God. Nothing else will ever come close.

Touch My Warp Whistle - m4w - 28 (St. Louis)

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Reply to: pers-742103427@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-03, 8:46PM CDT


Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.

Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like "OH GOD", "YES", OR "IT HURTS" no other conversation is allowed.

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like "Thanks", "It was great", "I loved it", "Don't stop"

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together. Will consider SMB 3 and if you are really nasty we can try SMB2.

MATT SMYLIE | e-mail | AIM | Vox | Pics

My Little Girl

A few months ago I had a dream. I was in a room, a bedroom, a little girl's bedroom, sitting in a chair, and standing before me was a little girl, about seven/eight years old. She stood before me in her dress, her brown hair hanging straight almost to her waist. She was my daughter. I did not know her name, but I knew this fact without a doubt, that she was my child. Throughout the course of the dream we cried together, about what, I never knew, and laughed together, about stupid little stuff. The dream is as clear to me as any memory I have. In particular, one thing. I remember how heavy she was. I could feel the weight of her in my arms. I can not feel things in my dreams. I see, of course, and hear things, I think I can even smell things sometimes, but my sense of touch does not work in my dreams, it never has. Except for this one time. I have never experienced anything quite like this dream, before or since. When I awoke I was immediately disturbed, because she was gone, and I knew she did not exist, had never existed. For the entirety of that day I was in a funk, I was depressed. In a way I mourned. I missed her. I didn't even know her name, but I missed her.

I never wanted children. Since I was a kid myself, I always said I didn't want kids. I didn't relate to them then and I still don't know how to interact with my little cousins very well. But something has changed in the last year or two. Instead of cringing at a child's playful scream in the grocery store or restaurant, I actually smile a little now. A kid running around seemingly unattended used to make me seethe. Now seeing him or her happy makes me happy, too. Who is this person who no longer finds children to be alien-like monsters?

I find myself thinking more and more about the children who could or should have been, and children who might still be. I hope one day...

On Wednesday the Supreme Court ruled that executing a person for raping a child is unconstitutional. I'm against the death penalty. Death is supposed to be the severest punishment one can receive, but that has never made sense to me. To me death is a release, it brings the potential for something better than what we had on earth. That is, of course, my faith speaking, but still. I have always thought that life in prison was a greater punishment. Why let someone die when they can spend the entirety of their natural life in a small, plain cell, being denied the great benefits of this world?

I don't know if executing a person for raping a child should be considered constitutional. Which is the greater crime, rape or murder? Murder can be justified. Can rape? If murder and treason are still reasons for execution in this country, why exclude this particular crime? One that is arguably more heinous than any other.

I'm still against the death penalty. I don't think that a child rapist should be executed any more than a murderer or traitor should be executed. But... I think about that little girl with the long brown hair, and the way it felt to know that she was mine, and then to know that she was gone. Would I still feel the same way if she were here, if I could really feel the weight of her in my arms?

This is the best short story I've read in the last three days. Romantic and slightly creepy in the way all star crossed romances are at their core. Courtesy of mightygodking.com:

The multiverse moves. It moves around itself. Think of it as an enormous wheel - you can most easily travel to any point on the wheel by traveling to and from the center. Which just means you need a way to get to the center. That’s why I called my ship the Spoke. Of course, my metaphor is actually in reality completely inaccurate, and in retrospect, I should called it “the Axle.” But you get the gist.

Dr. Jonathan Dhir is a genius; a master of transdimensional physics, one of the very few to ever take that knowledge out of the realm of theory and into the practical. He’s likewise a good man, brave and smart. Maybe a bit obsessive, as some scientists tend to be. But not a bad man by any stretch.

His only problem is that his wife is dead.

Some have said there are fifty-two universes; this is thinking small. The megaverse roams in clusters of fifty-two universes at a time. Some are completely barren of all life. Some do not entirely conform to our concept of physics. One is made entirely out of jelly. No, I’m not joking about that last one. It’s really made out of jelly. Not edible jelly, mind you. But jelly.

Dhir and his wife - it was true love, the kind you only ever read about in storyscrolls. (They never really went to books in his universe, although they’ve long since computerized the process.) And Dhir was a genius, but not a universal one; he couldn’t cure the comaegulanara his wife contracted.

Ordinary people grieve and move on. But Dhir had other options most people don’t, and a certain sort of persistent quality that’s greatly magnified when you’re a brilliant scientist.

If anything can exist somewhere, that means it does. And that means if anyone can exist somewhere, that means they do.

He wasn’t sure if humans could safely traverse the boundaries of the multiverse, let alone the megaverse. When he launched the Spoke out of its orbit he calculated that there was a .7 percent chance it would blink into nothingness, and him along with it. He was willing to take the risk.

It took him a very long time, and he had many, many adventures along the way, becoming something of a hero in the process. He found universes where he and his wife both died as children, never even meeting. He found universes where his wife was alive, but unfortunately so was that universe’s version of himself, and he wasn’t the sort to intrude. He found universes where his wife was alive and he was dead, but unfortunately he was a dead woman and his wife and he were both gay. (That universe was awkward, but not so awkward as the universe where he and his wife were both arthropods.)

Of course it’s a moral act. Somewhere, there is a place where she is alone. She isn’t supposed to be alone.

Finally he found it, a universe where his wife was human (more or less), and not dead, and that universe’s version of himself died young in a war some time previous, never even meeting her. And she was lonely, and she couldn’t quite figure out how not to be lonely. She’d even joined this team of young heroes wearing gaudy costumes, trying to make the universe a better place, and he was amazed - if his wife had ever had superpowers, she would have done exactly that. He was sure of it.

Of course, now he’d have to convince her he wasn’t insane or psychotic - not to mention make her fall in love with him - and yes, that would probably be difficult. But Dr. Dhir is, if anything, a remarkably methodical and patient man.

I’ve seen the birth of species, the death of galaxies and the universe from the outside looking in. I’d trade all of those memories away for five minutes of her time - because to me, she is the universe. And I think I could be hers.